


Still Alive

by blarkeontheark



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Kinda, everyone dead is still dead, have fun, i am raven trash, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 19:11:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blarkeontheark/pseuds/blarkeontheark
Summary: When Raven is struck with another seizure, an unexpected figure appears in the depths of her hallucination.





	Still Alive

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes hello i love raven reyes goodbye also this idea kinda came from a post on tumblr by @ spacewalkeravenreyes so yeah

"Raven!"

The cries are all around her, but she can't see anything but the insufferable white glow of the lab around her, can't feel anything but her shoulder, pressed achingly into the marble floor, saliva filling her mouth and spilling from between her teeth, shaking, eyes rolling slowly backwards until she has faded out of this world. 

Stars are everywhere, and she takes a moment to feel the bitter cold of free-floating through space. 

But the Ark...

It's there, in all its shining metal glory. And there's a wire attached to the spacesuit she suddenly finds herself in, and it's pulling her towards the airlock. 

Raven panics, trying to fight her way free. She's supposed to be dead. She wants to live in the stars. She never wanted to see the Ark again. 

But it's coming ominously closer, and she resigns herself to the doors. Maybe this is her hell. Maybe Finn is here, waiting for her. 

But it's not Finn standing on the other side of the doors as the airlock closes. The scrubbers activate, and Raven slowly discards her suit, routinely pulling the elastic out of her dark hair. 

No, it's not Finn. It's Sinclair. 

Raven gapes at him for a moment. "Was it...all a dream? Did we never go to the ground?" Her mind grasps for a logical explanation, and she half-hopes Sinclair will laugh in her face and send her straight to Abby. 

But the lights are off in the Ark, and Raven knows it was not a dream. 

"Your time isn't up yet," Sinclair says. There is blood on his shirt, too much blood. Raven fights the sudden urge to burst into tears. 

"You're dead." Her voice catches. "Am I?"

"No," he says gently. "The EMP caused damage to your brain." He looks tortured. "It's my fault."

"It's not." Sinclair looks distraught, as he never had in her memory. "You saved me."

"Reyes..."

Her surname is familiar in his voice. 

"Sinclair, we're past the City of Light. You did what you meant to do. You saved my life. All our lives." Her brace is gone, she notices suddenly. 

"I always tried to be the father you lost too soon," he said. 

"You were," Raven whispered. 

The bloodstain is shrinking. 

"Are you real?" she asks suddenly, desperate to hear an affirmation. Desperate to know she's not alone.

"That depends on your definition of real." Sinclair turns to face the window next to her. "Why didn't you get back in the Rover?"

"You were dying." Her voice catches again. "Sinclair, I can't lose you again. I can't go back there."

"You have to." His voice is slightly detached. "What happened to that Raven Reyes confidence?"

"Am I dying, or not?" Raven demands. 

He gives her a sad smile. "I wish I knew how to answer that question."

"Try a yes or no." Her voice hardens. 

There would be no tears here today. 

"Walk with me," Sinclair says. "You'll find that this pocket of the universe is strangely compliant."

And they are out of that hallway, in the Sky Box, in front of a familiar cell. Raven automatically grasps the doorknob and turns it. 

A boy lies on the mattress, pale and still and surrounded by ashes. There is no blood. 

"Finn passed on," Sinclair says calmly. 

"So why can't I?"

"You're not ready."

A step farther, and she's no longer in space at all. She's staring up at the stars, with Sinclair at her side, outside the drop ship. There are no delinquents, save Wells, who is sitting by the door, seemingly oblivious to their presence. He whistles as he carves figures out of woodchips. He's making a chess set, Raven realizes. 

"He's waiting for Clarke." Sinclair's voice echoes through the cool air. "She's the only one he knows. But she doesn't know him anymore."

Raven stares at the stars. "Clarke is going to murder people," she remembers. "Would Wells forgive her for that?"

"Wells would have forgiven her anything," Sinclair says softly. "Everything would have been easier for her if she had Wells."

"What are you trying to tell me?" Raven asks, frustrated. "Is this some sort of secret meaning? Are you trying to subconsciously implant a moral lesson into me while I'm currently over at Becca's lab having a seizure and possibly dying?"

"Your time isn't up yet," Sinclair repeats. "Raven, I wanted to apologize. I wanted your forgiveness. Because, ultimately, I will be the one to kill you in the end."

"Abby could find a cure," Raven protests weakly. 

"Abby can't save anyone if she can't save herself."

"Too bad!" Raven shouts, suddenly angry. "I'm still living! I'm alive! I've suffered through everything this god-forsaken world has to throw at me, and I made it! I'm not finished yet!"

A ghost of a smile slips past Sinclair's face.

And suddenly, he's gone, and she's back in space. Her suit is gone. The airlock is closed. 

"Raven?"

The world is red. 

"Raven, sweetie. Wake up," a voice whispers. 

Blinding light as she carefully lets her eyelids slide apart. 

The pain is back. She is alive. She is alive. Sinclair isn't real. 

"I'm not done yet," she mumbles, forcing the words past her lips. "I'm still alive."

Abby laughs tearfully, smoothing a few flyaway strands of hair out of Raven's face. "It's okay, honey. You're okay."

Raven closes her eyes again, allowing herself to sleep. 

Knowing that she will wake again. 

And she will keep fighting. 

Her time is not up yet.


End file.
